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Christmas & EasterReport #59: Christmas & Easter
Some people go to church only on Christmas and Easter. Are they trying to impress the Deity, or ease their own consciences? Does God care about Hallmark Holidays? Is there a better way to worship God? These questions and more are on the minds of a horse and a dinosaur. I know. Weird, huh? Let's drop in.
Adolph Hitler and Mother TeresaReport #58: Adolph Hitler and Mother Teresa
Adolph Hitler and Mother Teresa are forever forwarded as the ultimate evil and the ultimate good. The strange and unexpected common denominator between them is that neither are believers. Religion drove Hitler away from God, at the same time snaring Mother Teresa into a system of rites and works. True faith is found outside both the world and religion. It is found in the saving work of of Jesus Christ.
Locusts of revelation part 2Report #57 - The Locusts of Revelation 9, Part 2
The purpose of God's judgments is to get the world's attention. No one knows how to do that like God. This is where the locusts come in, and the rest of the traumas of the book of Revelation. People who now dare God to show Himself will be sorry when He decides to do it. God's ultimate goal, however, is to save the world. In the end, He will do just that. Judgments come for a night, but joy lasts forever.
The Locusts of Revelation 9Report #56 - The Locusts of Revelation 9
Your view of the book of Revelation and the future of earth will change when you begin taking this book literally, allowing for figures of speech. The locusts of Revelation, chapter 9, are literal. This is a scourge the likes of which our earth has never seen. Please, let us awaken to the truths of Paul's gospel of grace, which is our salvation from the coming Indignation (1 Thessalonians 1:10).
The Story of JobReport #55 - The Story of Job
The evil that overcame Job was not his fault. Job did everything right, but was proud of it. God Himself sends evil to humble us and deliver us from confidence in our own flesh. It's a blessing in disguise, and it works.
The 99.9% SyndromeReport #54 - The 99.9% Syndrome
Did Jesus Christ save anyone at the cross? Not according to most Christians. Most Christians believe that, for all the suffering Jesus endured to save them, they are still not saved. Salvation, to them, depends not upon Christ's death and resurrection, but upon their belief. And yet they still claim Jesus Christ did 100% of the work. Is there a name for this hypocrisy? There is!
Fake JesusReport #53 - Fake Jesus
Back in the day, the Pharisees hung out at the temple, while the Savior of the world frequented bars and other "shady" places, where He fellowshipped with tax collectors and prostitutes. If you hungered and thirsted for truth back then, you could only find it outside the established houses of religion. Gee. I wonder if anything has changed?.
All Is VanityReport #52 - All Is Vanity
Why does everything seem to go wrong? Because most things DO go wrong. The reason this life rarely caters to our personal desires for order and perfection, is that it is an experience of evil God is giving us (Ecclesiastes 1:13), not an experience of order and perfection. The good stuff is saved up for the next life. In the meantime, God graciously provides us the necessary contrast now to appreciate that life when it comes. Yes, this is precisely why you are constantly looking for your car keys.
Report #51 - Why Aren't Resurrected People Furious?
If dead people get whisked into heaven, why aren't resurrected people insane with rage? How would you like to be rudely snatched from perfect bliss back into a realm of sin and decay? Talk about a buzz-kill. Talk about reverse-rapture. But, contrary to Christian teaching, the dead are NOT alive. Those few who have been resurrected are not snatched from glory, but from nothingness. The dead know not anything (Ecclesiastes 9:5). Join the Crack O' Dawn players as they illustrate the happy truth that resurrection is a blessing, not a curse.
God Hates Organized ReligionReport #50 - God Hates Organized Religion
Jesus Christ Himself is not a Christian. You are free from the bondage of organized religion. True faith cannot be institutionalized. You may be the most spiritually intuitive person, and not realize it. If you see through the hypocrisy of organized religion, you are more spiritual than the people in it. Modern church is a business. Flee from falsehood, embrace God. Quit the club, embrace truth.
Don't Eff With GrapesReport #49 - Don't Eff With Grapes
When we belong to Christ, we have it made. When bad stuff happens, it works for our good. And when good stuff happens, well, it IS good. Works for good/is good. We can't lose. The only thing approximating this marvel in nature, is the grape. No matter what you do to it, it keeps getting better. Just like us. Eventually.
If It Moves, It's SavedReport #48 - If It Moves, It's Saved
Martin Zender is back with comfort concerning all your favorite animals: dogs, cats, goldfish, parakeets, even fire ants and pterodactyls. They are all going to live with God forever! (Houseplants, however, are a different story. We hope you are not overly fond of your houseplants.) Every moving creature has a corresponding spiritual body in the resurrection. Does this include furry, blue monsters? Wait and see.
the trinity denies the death of ChristReport #47 - The Trinity Denies the Death of Christ
Once again, Martin Zender hammers home Scriptural truth, this time debunking the false doctrine of the Trinity. Jesus Himself said He was God's Son. Although Christ is worthy to be worshipped as God, the Son remains a separate entity. God cannot die, but Jesus literally died for the sins of humanity, and was literally resurrected three days later. The Trinity denies this. Watch Zender trash yet another nonsensical religious teaching, this time in a way you would never expect.
Free Will KillsReport #46 - Free Will Kills
True to form, Martin Zender shocks people with truth in this video, exposing the dangers of believing in free will instead of God's sovereignty. Using 1 Timothy 4:10 and passages from 1 Corinthians, Zender reveals the Satanic lie of believing in your own belief--rather than believing in Christ's finished work on the cross.
addiction via religionReport #45 - Addiction Via Religion: The Saga of Cookie Lady
Pull up a chair, keep your Bible handy, and get ready to learn what Scripture teaches about abstinence. In this follow-up video about the law producing sin, Martin Zender uses scientific discoveries to show that trying to avoid certain foods or certain behaviors only causes one to eat more or sin more. God designed the law to show the failure of flesh, and the power of grace. Therefore, sometimes the best tactic is: Cease all tactics.
law came to make people sin moreReport #44 - Law Came to Make People Sin More
Most people assume that God issued the Ten Commandments to make people better. No! "The law came in so that the transgressions would INCREASE" (Romans 5:20). Did you even know that this verse was in the Bible? Martin Zender (fueled in this video by Red Roof Inn coffee) explains why God would institute laws that His own creatures are too weak to keep. As always, batten down your stained glass hatches.
crack o' dawn report - dumb governmentReport #43 - How to Survive Dumb Government
Join Martin Zender as he gets politically incorrect, does a happy dance, slams both conservatives and liberals in one breath--all while showing you how to be at peace with government, crazy laws, and rising gasoline prices. Has he struck black gold? Fallen off Pikes Peak and hit his head? No. Zender's just foolish enough to actually believe what the Bible says, and has the cojones to tell you to live by God's Word. Sheesh. What will he think of next?
how to save yourself from hellReport #42 - How to Save Yourself From Hell at a Christian Altar Call
Most Christians don't believe in death; they think it's just another form of life in another place. The Scripture, however, speaks of death as oblivion. Failure to grasp the truth about death is serious: One ends up denying the death of Christ. In this edition of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin Zender tackles three common objections to the truth about death.
crack o dawn report reality of deathReport #41: Common Objections to the Reality of Death 
Most Christians don't believe in death; they think it's just another form of life in another place. The Scripture, however, speaks of death as oblivion. Failure to grasp the truth about death is serious: One ends up denying the death of Christ. In this edition of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin Zender tackles three common objections to the truth about death.
eternal torment believers are nuts
Report #40: Eternal Torment Believers Are Nuts 
In this video, you'll find out what Martin Zender calls people who believe in the false doctrine of eternal torment. Although he's known as the "World's Most Outspoken Bible Scholar," his language--at the Sacramento Concordant Conference--may surprise you. Even Zender's new mother-in-law was shocked, but says she still loves him.
The Christian God Hates Rob Bell
Report #39: The Christian God Hates Rob Bell 
Join Martin Zender as he takes you inside the mind of the Christian God. Turns out this God of institutionalized religion is co-dependent and manipulative. Not only that, but he's angry at Rob Bell for daring to speak the truth.
the arrival of RebeccaReport #38: The Arrival of Rebecca 
Martin's fiancée Rebecca Tonn travels to Ohio to help Martin prepare for his big move to Colorado. The couple will wed in Colorado Springs on June 26, 2011, but until then, they have lots of things to talk about.
Christians_are_modern_phariseesReport #37: Christians are Modern Pharisees 
Martin Zender gets a fantastic new revelation about Christians and Pharisees, and so naturally he heads to his favorite Subway to tell unsuspecting sandwich artist Denny Miller all about it. Miller thought the Meatball Marinara sauce would be the toughest part of his day--then Zender showed up.
God creates evilReport #36: God Creates Evil, but I Don't Have to Like It 
Can a person who believes that God creates evil (Isaiah 45:7), simultaneously hate that truth? Absolutely! His name is Martin Zender. In this edition of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin dares to believe God's testimony concerning evil--simultaneously admitting that he would vote Him out of office if he had the chance. Honest stuff from a man from whom you'd expect nothing less.
I know what the second death isReport #35: I Know What the Second Death Is 
Some people theorize that the second death, described in the book of Revelation, is in reality a second life, where bad people (or at least people of questionable character) go to learn all about Jesus. The only problem is, scripture calls death an enemy. Death--even figurative death--is oblivion. Thus, no one learns ANYTHING in death, not even in figurative death. This theory makes death a substitute for resurrection. Martin Zender hates it when that happens!
crack o dawn report 34Report #34: I Know What the Lake of Fire Is 
Some people don't know what the lake of fire is. Fortunately for you, Martin Zender is not one of them. In this edition of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin not only explains to you exactly what the lake of fire is, but he unlocks the secret of death. That's quite an accomplishment for a 10-minute video. It's even more of an accomplishment for THIS video, which is 5 1/2 minutes. Hang on for the ride.
crack o dawn report - satan lives in churchesReport #33: Satan Lives in Churches, Not Strip Clubs 
Church buildings are billed as wonderful places of warmth, safety, and peace, while strip joints are popularly termed "dens of iniquity." There is only one problem with these assessments: They're totally wrong! Unless you're in a war zone, churches are some of the most dangerous places on earth. In fact, some people have had better luck in war zones--and for sure in strip joints. Join Martin Zender and Rebecca Tonn on yet another Crack O' Dawn adventure--and discover where the demons really live.
Thank you God for everythingReport #32: Every Little thing 
God has given us so many small miracles that we no longer appreciate them--except for Martin Zender. In this episode of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin flips out over chopsticks, light bulbs, and running water. A classic Zenderfest.
the mark of the beastReport #31: Will the Mark of The Beast Be a Cross? 
The mark of the Beast of Revelation is 666. Right? Wrong. 666 is the number of the Beast. The "mark" of the beast--or "emblem" in the Concordant Literal New Testament--will be a beautiful symbol of light and life, but satanically counterfeit. In this edition of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin Zender tells you why he thinks the emblem of the Beast will be--a cross.
Sodom & GomorrahReport #30: How Destroyed Was Sodom & Gomorrah? 
We all know that God rained down fire and brimstone from heaven and utterly destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah and their inhabitants. And yet the inhabitants must yet rise to stand before God at the great white throne (Rev. 20:11-12). QUESTION: If these people rise again--even for judgment--how destroyed were they? Join Martin Zender and special guest, the Reverend Milt Hickle, as they look into the fate of a people who never heard of Jesus Christ.
Not everyone hears about Jesus before they dieReport #29: Not Everyone Hears About Jesus Before They Die 
Does everyone get an opportunity to believe in Jesus Christ before they die? Hmm. That would be a good trick for people who lived before Jesus Christ was born. Once again, Martin Zender employs simple logic to expose the God-defiling, contradictory teachings of Christianity. God is not an "equal opportunity" Savior. Rather, He is the Savior of all humanity. In the end, salvation is God's opportunity, not man's.
Christianity is God's Worst PR NightmareReport #28: Christianity is God's Worst PR Nightmare 
Christianity is the visible expression of Christ upon the earth. Right? Wrong! Because of the horrible hypocrisies of the Christian religion, the world laughs at God. The world is not laughing at the true God, but at the caricature of Him painted by well-meaning but whacked-out religious hypocrites. What do ancient Israel and modern Christianity have in common? They both cause the name of God to be blasphemed among thinking people everywhere. Thank you for joining Martin for coffee this morning as he seeks out the true God—and finds Him.
Just Take Jesus Out of ChristmasReport #27: Just Take Christ Out of Christmas 
If Joseph, the husband of Mary and earthly father of Jesus, could come back and tell us what he thinks about Christmas--what would he say? We don't have to guess! In this special edition of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Joseph (yes, THAT Joseph) fills in for Martin Zender and gives you the lowdown on the world's most sacred holiday--and also explains why he doesn't have a mustache. Fun for the whole family! (All curse words have been professionally bleeped.)
grace has powerReport #26: Grace Has Power 
What happens when God tells people that they can do anything they want and He still won't condemn them? People want to do well for the Giver of such grace. In this edition of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin Zender follows up his report of two weeks ago, showing the divine paradox that freedom in Christ is the best defense against the proclivities of the flesh. Thou shalt watch!
For Freedom Christ Frees UsReport #25: For Freedom Christ Frees Us 
Why did Jesus Christ go the cross for us? So that we could thank Him by inventing our own crosses? No! He died to free us. Galatians 5:1 says, "For freedom Christ frees us." He frees us so that we can be free, not so that we can entangle ourselves in new and better forms of religious bondage. Are you bold enough to LIVE in the freedom Christ freed you for? Watch this edition of Martin Zender's Crack O' Dawn Report, and find out.
Martin Zender's Practical Guide to LustingReport #24: Martin Zender's Practical Guide to Lusting 
Is lusting always bad? When we consider that Jesus Himself is said to have lusted (Luke 22:15), then the answer is definitely “no.” In this Crack O’ Dawn Report, Martin Zender distinguishes good lusting from bad lusting, focusing especially on Matthew 5:28, a verse that has been twisted beyond recognition to make adulterers out of men who merely obey their natural instincts and admire feminine beauty.
Crack O' Dawn Report -Women Are Beautiful and So Is GodReport #23: Women Are Beautiful, and So Is God 
God is beautiful, but He is also invisible. What part of the visible creation best demonstrates His altogether loveliness? Woman! Woman was the last creation to leave His hand. God was so satisfied with her that He has not created one thing since. Join Martin Zender at his most un-religious as he celebrates that wonder of wonders: the female frame.
Christianity is an evil empireReport #22: Christianity: An Evil Empire 
There is hardly a man, woman or child who has not heard of the "wonderful" Christian God Who will torment in eternal flames those who stubbornly refuse Him. How does this caricature affect the moral decisions of those who dare believe it? Martin Zender contends that such a heinous perception of God can only lower the standards of morality wherever it is taught. After all, why should a person behave any better than his or her Deity? Want to save people from moral ruin? Teach the God of Scripture!
Stupidity to depravityReport #21: The Stupidity That Leads to Depravity 
What is the source of all depravity? Human beings? Satan? Asbestos? No. The answer is: Not recognizing God as God. By not recognizing God as the Subjector of all things, that is, the Responsible Party for everything that happens, a person's mind goes down a bad road where bad things happen. In this Crack O' Dawn adventure, Martin Zender shows you how Christians can become the most depraved people of all.
God Drafts Ignoble PeopleReport #20: God Drafts Ignoble People 
When humans build an army--or a football team--they choose the strongest, the fastest, and the gutsiest. It's all about physical advantage and the potential for stomping the competition. God's army is just a tad different: He chooses unwise, weak and ignoble people, some of whom may be ready to give up on life. Feeling washed up? Feeling like a failure? Got a little extra fat around your midsection? Then hang on for the ride; you may be God's next number one draft pick.
the bibles greatest evangelistReport #19: The Bible's Greatest Evangelist Sucked at It 
Who was the Bible's greatest evangelist? If you said, "Jesus Christ," you're wrong. If you said, "the Apostle Paul," you're also wrong. (How come you're wrong so much?) The right answer will not only surprise you, but will give you insight into God's "modus operandi" for His greatest works. Get ready to relax with a fried egg or two and your favorite scripturemeister, Martin Zender, in this week's edition of Crack O' Dawn Report.
Barak Obama in the white houseReport #18:  God Put Obama in the White House 
Many Christians and Conservatives officially freaked out when Barack Obama won the White House in 2008. Where the heck was God? Isn't God a Republican? He sure as heck has to be an American! He is neither. God puts the good, the bad and the ugly in political power, not so as to admire us, but to humble us. Two great examples are: 1) Barack Obama, and 2) King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon. Join Martin Zender at the Crack O' Dawn as he plumbs the depths of political intrigue and makes you choke on your coffee, all at the same time.
The God of SubwayReport #17:  How to be a Consistent Free Will Type Person 
Not many people who believe in the doctrine of human free will realize where it leads: If people are truly free to decide their own futures, then even God has to sit back and wait to see what will happen. Are you ready to see this in action? Then join Martin Zender and the Christian God on a hilarious road trip--in opposite directions--into the warped world of logical orthodox conclusions.
Adam, Where Are You?Report #16:  Adam, Where Are You? 
In Genesis 3:9, God utters the epic question, "Adam, where are you?" Was God really ignorant of Adam's whereabouts? Of course not. Whenever God refers to Himself as a man or seems taken aback by His creation, it's a figure of speech known as "Condescension." To base absolute truth on figures of speech is a terrible mistake--and yet people make it all the time. Zender follows the figurative God through Eden, demonstrating the absurdity of a Deity truly out of touch with His creatures.
the God of the HolocaustReport #15:  The God of the Holocaust
If God controls everything in this world, then was He responsible for the Holocaust, which witnessed the death of 6 million Jews? As difficult as it is for some people to even entertain this belief, it is a far nobler thought than that entertained in churches across America every Sunday. In this week's Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin Zender rubs your nose in the Christian teaching concerning God's People, and then asks the question: "Just who is the nut job here?"
Crack o' Dawn Report: The Special Salvation of BelieversReport #14:  The Special Salvation of Believers
If God saves only those who believe in Him, then why does 1 Timothy 4:10 say that God is the Savior of all mankind, especially of believers? In this Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin Zender demonstrates from parallel passages of scripture that those who believe today get much more and come in much earlier than the rest of mankind--but the rest of mankind does come--eventually. If it doesn't, then God is not the Savior of all mankind.
Predestination and Gummy BearsReport #13:  Predestination and Gummy Bears
What does the apostle Paul mean when he says that believers are designated beforehand to believe in Christ? He means exactly what he says! But what about those who aren't predestined? Does God have a plan for them, too? Yes--and it's glorious, not ghoulish. Join Martin Zender on this morning's Crack O' Dawn Report as dips into the candy jar to illustrate a profound, Scriptural truth.

Faith in Christ vs Faith in FaithReport #12:  Faith in Christ vs. Faith in Faith
Do you have faith in Christ, or faith in your faith in Christ? The Christian religion makes personal faith the thing we exchange for salvation. This makes faith but a bartering chip. The result is salvation by works in sheep's clothing. Join Martin Zender for what may be the most important Crack O' Dawn Report you've ever listened to.

The Free Will of Ronald McDonaldReport #11:  The Free Will of Ronald McDonald
What do Ronald McDonald, Adolph Hitler, Mother Theresa, Satan, Lady Gaga, Brit Hume, Bill Gates, Madonna, Prince Charles, Prince, and most Christians, have in common? A belief in human free will. But is human free will actually true? Join Martin Zender as he not only looks into the scriptures on this important topic, but considers the testimony of Ronald McDonald himself.

No Pain No GainReport #10:  No Pain, No Gain
Everyone wants to live an easy life, but do we really know what's good for us? Leave it to God to take us out of our comfort zones and subject us to trial. Is He doing it to us, or for us? For us! In this edition of the Crack O Dawn Report, Martin Zender explores both natural and spiritual examples of the no pain, no gain principle. God disciplines those He loves, and the peaceful fruit of this action wildly outperforms the investment.
The Terrible Ten Commandment Church SignReport #9:  The Terrible Ten Commandment Church Sign
The Ten Commandments came to make people sin more, not less (Romans 5:20), and drive them to Christ. Those under grace no longer need law! Since this is so, why do churches still put up signs promoting the law of Moses? Join Martin Zender and the Crack O' Dawn players as they re-enact an historic meeting between our man Martin and a law-loving pastor whose real name shall not be identified--until about 5 minutes into the video.
When You Just Can't Love Other PeopleReport #8:  When You Just Can't Love Certain People
Are some people unlovable? Not to God, but to us--yes. What if you just can't work up the love to love someone? Does that mean you're a bad Christian? No. It means that God has not yet given you a spirit of love. Love is a gift of the spirit, not an exercise of will or a New Year's resolution. So cut yourself some slack--or, watch this episode of the Crack O' Dawn Report, and let Martin Zender cut it for you.
Our Lives on God's Hard Drive Part 3Report #7:  Our Lives on God's Hard Drive, Part 3
Here is the final installment of Martin Zender's return to his boyhood home. All of the evil things we experience in this life are temporary, setting us up for the permanent joys of our heavenly home. The experience of evil is about contrast: temporary pain buys permanent pleasure. Realizing this truth will help you endure life's many hardships.
Our Lives on God's Hard Drive Part 2Report #6:  Our Lives on God's Hard Drive, Part 2
In this edition of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin Zender returns to his boyhood home of Canton, Ohio, to show you the times and places that will provide such delicious contrast to a celestial destiny. 
Our Lives on God's Hard Drive Part 1Report #5:  Our Lives on God's Hard Drive, Part 1
When we're in heaven, will we remember what we went through down here? Yes! The only way to enjoy continual bliss there is to recall the vast struggles here. Our perspective then will be: "Thank God for everything we went through!" In this edition of the Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin Zender takes you to his boyhood home of Canton, Ohio, and shows you some of the times and places of his life.
Good News For Those Who CussReport #4:  Good News for Those Who Cuss
Here is good news for those who sometimes utter the occasional colorful phrase containing the names of God and His Son, Jesus Christ: Taking God's name in vain has nothing whatsoever to do with cursing. Surprised? Many "holy" people who would never in a million years "God-damn" anything, actually take His name in vain 24 hours a day. How is this possible? Tune in to this edition of Martin Zender's Crack O' Dawn Report to find out.
Last guys finish firstReport #3:  Last Guys Finish First
Feel like the world is passing you by? Good! In God's program, last guys finish first. David proved that against Goliath with a slingshot. More recently, another man named David took down three giants--with a golf cap. Ever hear of Dave Wottle? Neither had anyone else until the 800 meter finals in the 1972 Munich Olympics. After this episode of Martin Zender's Crack O' Dawn Report, you will never forget him.
Romans 14 Into the frying panReport #2:  Romans 14 - Into the Frying Pan
Are believers in Christ free to pursue their personal passions? What if other people consider these passions sin? In his latest Crack O' Dawn Report, Martin Zender takes us to Romans, chapter 14, and shows us the line between exercising faith and flaunting it
Will we see our pets in heavenReport #1:  Will Our Pets Be in Heaven?
Martin Zender reports from his kitchen about cats, turtles, three-toed sloths, and that dog of yours. Does God love animals? You bet. Will all animals be with God forever? According to this verse, they certainly will: "Creation itself shall be freed from the slavery of corruption" (Rom. 8:21). Meow.


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